So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
