Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
try to milk me bitch
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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