I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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