It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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