I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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