Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
