do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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