Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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