remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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