we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
