so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
