woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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