is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
