Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
