I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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