So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
