Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
