I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
