tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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