Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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