you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
