i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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