and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
