dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
