You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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