Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
