i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
