he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so let's talk penis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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