I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
