dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
