My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
