I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
