whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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