woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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