I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
