I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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