Pants 0. Shit 1.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
