If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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