I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
