Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
do nipples grow back?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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