I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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