My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
bring money and cleavage
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
