Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Someone shit on the floor
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
