What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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