I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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