return my video game
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
