im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
