The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
