Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
