i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
