I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
