I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
