my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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