The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
