Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
