i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
