So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize