If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
