I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
