Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
