You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
