oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
