But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
