I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
