Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dignity is for republicans.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The adults are the big ones right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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