So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
