the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
