toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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