blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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