At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
