Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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