i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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