I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
