She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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