They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
