Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
