Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
