I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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