Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
