He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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